What Would Love Do Now?
8 ways to turn love into a spiritual practice
As I've explored in previous articles, love holds a tremendous power to awaken our consciousness into a deeper level of life and transform our whole reality. In a way, all spiritual paths seem to lead back to the same final realisation: love is the key.
So if love is the key to everything, what happens if one vows to practice love as a spiritual discipline? And what would that practice look like?
Love as a spiritual practice in itself might sound pretty abstract. After all, we don't differentiate very well when it comes to the meaning of love. It's a pretty stretchy and wide term.
In fact, the more I’ve studied love over the years and meditated on it, the less it seemed like an emotion and more like a force of nature. A dimension of reality, if you will, that’s pulling us back into an experience of oneness.
Much of our adult focus is on the romantic kind of love for another human. We grow up striving to find our other half and marry. And we hope this one relationship will satisfy our inherent longing to love and be loved. But love has so many facets that can infuse and enrich our lives — if we welcome it in.
Let’s start with the who
Before we can explore how to practice love, we should start with the most obvious question:
Who are we actually loving?
There are three great places we can direct it: toward ourselves, toward other beings, and toward the Divine. And the fascinating part is that these three aren’t separate from each other. They constantly feed into one another.
The way we love ourselves changes the way we love others. The way we love others teaches us something about ourselves. And both can become a doorway into something larger than either of us.
So let’s begin where, for many of us, the entire experience of love begins.
1. Loving the Self
As one reader recently pointed out to me, self-love may be the most crucial step toward experiencing love at all.
Not because we need to become perfectly healed or completely self-sufficient before we can love anyone else. But because we have to become receptive to the love that is already trying to reach us.
Self-love is such a collective struggle because many of us have learned to look everywhere except inward for evidence that we are worthy of love. We wait for someone to choose us, desire us, validate us, and understand us. And when we secretly believe there is something fundamentally wrong with us, we can turn off our own capacity to receive all of it.
It is difficult to feel loved when some part of you is constantly arguing with the possibility that you could be.
This is why self-love isn’t simply about bubble baths, positive affirmations, or treating yourself to something nice. It is the much deeper practice of appreciating your own existence.
Can you see yourself? Can you listen to yourself? Can you prioritize yourself?
Self-love is often mistaken for selfishness. But there is a profound difference between caring for yourself and placing yourself above everyone else.
Healthy self-love doesn’t make the world smaller.
It gives you a more stable place from which to love the world.
2. Loving the Other
Then something beautiful happens. Love begins to move outward.
We recognize another person as another consciousness, another inner world, another being whose existence matters to us. And suddenly, love is no longer only something we experience internally. It becomes something we can give.
This is where love can begin to create a kind of snowball effect.
The more love we consciously bring into our interactions, the more love we tend to create around us. A kind word. A genuine compliment. Listening without trying to fix. Remembering what matters to someone. Showing up when it would be easier not to.
None of these acts seem particularly revolutionary on their own. But imagine a life in which you practiced them deliberately.
Loving others isn’t limited to romantic partners. It includes our families, children, friends, colleagues, neighbors, strangers we pass on the street — and every person whose life briefly intersects with ours.
And this is where love becomes particularly interesting, because what we cultivate within ourselves begins to shape the world we participate in:
What if the love we are waiting to receive is initiated by the love we are willing to give?
3. Loving the Divine
And then we arrive at the most magical direction of love.
You could actually argue that this should be the first step. If the Divine is the ultimate source of love, why not begin there?
And yet, for many people, there is a strange obstacle. How do you open yourself to an infinite love when you don’t even believe you are worthy of the finite kind?
A love as vast as the Divine can be difficult to receive when our own inner world feels like we are unworthy of it.
It’s like the voltage is too high for the equipment. And perhaps this is one of the great paradoxes of the spiritual path.
Love as a spiritual practice is a bottom-up approach to the Divine. We learn to love ourselves. Then we learn to love another. Then we begin to recognize the same sacredness everywhere.
In that sense, practicing love within the illusion of separation is almost like a training — lifting weights for the soul. We gradually develop the capacity to hold more love, express more love, and eventually recognize the source from which all of it comes.
And perhaps that’s why these three directions aren’t really separate at all.
There are three doorways into the same experience.
The following eight practices are my attempt to explore all the ways in which we can consciously walk the path of love in our everyday life:
1. Recognition
Recognition is the first act of love. Before we can love someone, we have to perceive them. Before we can feel loved, we have to feel seen. There is something profoundly intimate about being truly recognized for who we are — as if being witnessed in our fullness gives our existence a little more solidity. And the more consciously we practice recognition, the more we begin to understand that simply seeing another being — and allowing ourselves to be seen — may be the very beginning of love.
Self
Self-recognition is a beautiful place to begin our journey into love. It asks you: Do you feel like you see yourself for who you really are? Do you know your deepest desires? Your most important needs? Do you see your own greatest potential and your authentic truth?
I feel like we are not necessarily taught to investigate ourselves that deeply. But when we do, we begin a journey of a lifetime.
Other
The most authentic way to fall in love with another person — and making them feel loved — is learning to see their soul. Acknowledging the most beautiful and divine parts of them. All other forms of practice are expressions of that core recognition. If I see the Divine in someone, I will treat them a certain way, respect their perspective, and I won't intend to hurt them. Being treated that way — understood and loved as we are — is what makes us feel like we have met a soulmate.
Divine
And this is where the circle closes for the very first time. Recognizing the Divine means seeing it within ourselves as well as in those we interact with. In fact, loving another means seeing their soul, and loving ourselves means seeing our own soul.
In this last step, you can make the Divine behind all things feel seen and recognised by acknowledging the synchronicities in which it communicates to you and supports you, and you might soon find that they start to become more frequent and more obvious. Take your intuition seriously and don’t dismiss it. Even if you don’t yet have the courage to follow through, you can still acknowledge what you’ve received.
2. Communication
Love wants to communicate. It wants to say I am here. I see you. This is what is happening inside of me. Tell me what is happening inside of you.
Self
Talking to ourselves is largely frowned upon, which I’ve never understood. Self-recognition comes with self-communication. Listening and responding to the self go hand in hand in the self-love practice, and when done right, can change the state of your nervous system. Sometimes the loving words we need don't have to come from someone else. Sometimes they are just as powerful, if not more powerful, if they come from our own hearts.
The self-talk most people are used to is self-criticism or our often harsh internal self-talk. Cultivating a loving and appreciative internal self-talk is a serious game-changer on the path of love.
Other
Communication is the bridge that helps us overcome the experience of separation we face in our world of duality. It is the foundation of every relationship. Open communication is always an opportunity to help a relationship grow and heal. Nowadays, when communication has never been easier, it seems especially hard to stay reliable, when every uncomfortable conversation could be avoided just by throwing away our phone and ghosting the other person.
In our day and age, being willing to have an uncomfortable conversation is a serious act of love. Not ghosting becomes a love language in itself. One that our relationships will thank us for.
Divine
The same goes for the Divine. Loving the Divine means communicating regularly. Openly. Honestly. Prayer is such a powerful way to feel close to the Divine, and it remains a door to magic. For centuries, different religions have sworn by prayer, and I agree. Prayer seems the most direct and powerful way to connect to the Divine and feel loved by the Divine.
And prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes it is simply talking to God while walking, asking for guidance when you are confused, or saying thank you when something beautiful happens. A relationship that is never spoken to eventually becomes an idea. Communication turns the Divine from an abstract concept into a living relationship.
3. Care
Care is love asking: What do you need? What do I need? And what can I do to help create the conditions in which you can flourish?
Self
Care means tending to someone’s needs. In terms of self-care, that is simply acknowledging your needs, not negotiating with them, but finding a way to fulfill them and prioritising that. How does your body feel? How does it look? How is your diet? Are you getting enough sleep?
Self-care is the easiest way to start a self-loving practice because it is so hands-on, and it will make you feel loved in a very physical way. Keep the space for yourself as you would for your guest. Put on clothes that make you feel good and that you genuinely enjoy, just for yourself.
Other
Taking care of others is one of the best examples of why the selflove has to come first. We learn to care for ourselves, and then extend that capacity to others. This, of course, includes taking care of your family, listening to your friends, remembering what matters to them, and helping them where you can.
Sometimes care is grand and obvious. Sometimes it is making someone dinner, checking whether they got home safely, remembering the thing they were nervous about, or giving them space when they need it. Every act of kindness is a choice towards a more loving world.
Divine
Now caring for the Divine is where things get interesting. What does God need from us? Perhaps the Divine doesn’t need anything at all. But our relationship with it can still be nourished. We can care for the relationship by creating sacred space, tending to our spiritual practices, caring for nature, protecting what we consider sacred, and bringing beauty into our surroundings.
If the Divine is present in all things, then caring for life itself becomes a form of devotion. Watering a plant, feeding an animal, cleaning a sacred space, or simply treating the world around you with reverence can become an act of love.
4. Affection
Affection is the part where our practice gets really exciting. It is where we get to play. The flirting, the teasing, the spoiling, the courting. It is the part of love that doesn’t necessarily need a practical reason.
Self
Giving affection to yourself means treating yourself lovingly wherever you can. Anything that makes you feel romantic when another does it to you, you can practice on yourself.
Admire your reflection in the mirror the next chance you get. Give yourself a nice gift, treat yourself to something you've always wanted to do, and yes, by yourself. Go to the spa and let your body feel pampered. Buy yourself some nice new clothes. Speak to yourself lovingly. All of those acts are acts of self-affection and will charge up your inner and outer radiance.
Other
Giving people affection is perhaps the most obvious way to express love and care for them, and therefore highly effective in making people feel seen and loved.
It can be a warm hug when we feel like someone needs it. It can be opening the door for them, complimenting them, sending them a song that reminded you of them, or simply letting someone know that you are happy they exist. Affection is how love becomes tangible. And because everyone receives affection differently, part of loving someone is learning what makes them feel loved rather than only giving love in the way that feels natural to us.
Divine
Giving the Divine affection works the same way. Here we can express our admiration for the Divine, especially through singing for the Divine, dancing with the Divine, and flirting with the Divine. It can be prayer, music, poetry, ritual, movement, or simply looking at the sky and feeling overwhelmed by the beauty of existence.
There is something almost childlike about affection: we don’t need a practical reason to express it. We do it because we are delighted by the one we love.
5. Respect
Respect as a form of love means recognizing that our beloved has an inner world that belongs to them — loving them does not give us ownership over it. Respect asks: How can I honor your perspective?
Self
Self-respect means honoring your needs, wants, and desires, even when your external environment pressures you not to. Self-respect also means protecting your boundaries when you need them most, even if that means distancing yourself from environments or people.
Some life challenges remind us that we have to love ourselves first, and cannot love someone else more if that means having to neglect our own needs or even tolerate abuse.
Other
Respecting others means honoring their perspective even when you disagree, and refraining from changing their minds for your own sake or comfort. Sometimes it even means respecting their decision when you think they are making a mistake.
Love means allowing people to make the mistakes they want and need to make. Their life is their path and not ours. So we don't manipulate others to make them act in our favour. We can tell someone the truth as we see it, offer our perspective, express our needs — and then allow them to decide what they do with that information. Respect leaves the other person free.
Divine
Respecting the Divine means recognizing that we do not know everything. It means leaving room for mystery. We can have our beliefs, our prayers, our interpretations, and our relationship with God, while still admitting that the Divine is larger than our understanding of it.
Respecting the Divine can mean approaching life with reverence rather than entitlement. Not every unanswered prayer is a rejection. Not every detour is a punishment. Sometimes respecting the Divine means saying: I don’t understand this, but I am willing to listen.
6. Commitment
Commitment is love that keeps showing up when we face challenges. Because love isn’t only what we feel when everything is beautiful — love is what we practice when things become difficult.
Self
Commitment to yourself means following through with your goals. To show up disciplined for yourself, to go for the long-term gratification instead of the quick dopamine shot at the cost of your own future. Every time you keep a promise to yourself, you teach yourself that your own word can be trusted.
You don’t need to be perfect. You simply need to become someone who returns. If you said you would write, write. If you said you would rest, rest. If you said you would stop returning to something that hurts you, let your commitment become stronger than your craving.
Other
Commitment to others doesn’t have to mean marriage. It means loving them through thick and thin. It means forgiving mistakes and giving people the chances they ask for — provided they are willing to listen to our needs, too. It means being willing to work through discomfort rather than abandoning someone at the first sign that the relationship requires effort.
But commitment is not the same as tolerating anything. Sometimes keeping a commitment to love means leaving a relationship that has become harmful. In the end, our very first commitment should always be to love itself. If a situation just isn't loving anymore, commitment also means stepping away before things get ugly and hurtful.
Divine
Commitment to the Divine means prioritising our vow to love the Divine when the world is leading us into the temptation of dropping our sacred vows. It also means carrying our relationship with the Divine wherever we go.
It means remembering what we have promised ourselves in moments when fear, distraction, or desire pulls us elsewhere. Spiritual commitment is not about never losing your connection. It is about continuing to return to it. Again and again and again — especially in those moments when everything seems hopeless, and we feel disconnected and alone.
7. Community
Love does not stop at two people. Eventually, it wants to become an ecosystem. Love becomes much more powerful when it stops being something we experience privately and starts becoming something we build together.
Self
Supporting yourself in finding your tribe and building an environment that allows you to be yourself is one of the deepest forms of self-love. This also means letting go of people who don’t or can’t accept your true self.
We often underestimate how much our environment shapes us. If you constantly have to shrink, explain, or defend yourself to belong somewhere, perhaps belonging there is not the love you are looking for. Finding people with whom you can breathe freely is part of learning who you are.
Other
Building a loving community is where your love spreads as far as it can go. In this part of our practice, we can be watchful of how we talk about others to others. Gossiping is one of the most hurtful things because we manipulate how others are seen by their environments, ostracising them.
Try to be mindful of how you speak of others. Do you support your loved ones in being seen and perceived in their highest potential? True lovers are those who keep talking well about you even when you have left the room. Take this as your aim. Be the person who protects someone’s dignity even when they are not there to hear you do it.
Divine
The same goes for the Divine. Help others to see the Divine through your loving eyes. This can be through an organised ceremony, ecstatic dance, kirtan, prayer, meditation, art, or any other form of collective devotion.
All of these ways allow us to connect communally to the Divine, and they amplify the relationship we have with it. There is something powerful about discovering that your private experience of the sacred is not yours alone. Sometimes another person’s devotion reminds us of something sacred we had forgotten inside ourselves.
8. Trust
Trust is where love becomes surrender. It is the willingness to loosen our ego’s need for control and remain open even when certainty is unavailable. It's also where the whole magic of love as a spiritual practice unfolds.
Self
Do you trust yourself when everything falls apart? Are you able to stay true to your commitments, your needs, and desires even when your external world doesn’t? These are the moments when you need yourself the most, and when you have the greatest chance to strengthen your self-love.
Self-trust isn’t believing that you will always make the right decision. It is knowing that whatever happens, you will listen to yourself, learn, adapt, and be there for yourself again. You don’t need certainty to trust yourself. You need a relationship with yourself strong enough to survive uncertainty.
Other
Trusting others means the same: supporting the endeavours of those you love. Speaking life into them instead of doubt. Sometimes we might feel like by worrying about others we express our care, when in reality we are just communicating that we don’t trust their competence and commitment.
Love doesn’t require us to remove every obstacle from someone’s path. Sometimes it means standing beside them while they walk through it. Trust allows another person to become themselves fully without constantly being monitored, corrected, or rescued.
Divine
Trusting the Divine is the same. Life gets scary sometimes, but when we have built a strong relationship with the Divine, every life challenge becomes an invitation to strengthen that relationship by leaning into it instead of trying to control everything. The Divine knows what we don’t.
Trust does not mean assuming that everything will happen exactly as we want it to. It means allowing ourselves to participate in life without demanding that we understand the entire story before we take the next step. Sometimes faith is simply loving what we cannot yet see.
Maybe love was never meant to be something we waited to receive. Maybe it was something we were meant to become increasingly fluent in.
To recognize. To communicate.To care.To give affection.To respect.To commit.To belong. To trust.
First to ourselves. Then to the people around us. And eventually, perhaps, to the mystery underneath all of it.
Maybe enlightenment isn’t the end of love.
Maybe it is what happens when we finally become capable of receiving and expressing more of it.
But reading about love is one thing.
Practicing it is another.
Which is why — I’m starting an 8 Week Love as a Spiritual Practice Challenge on October 18th.
For eight weeks, we’ll take these practices off the page and into everyday life, exploring what changes when we intentionally practice recognition, communication, care, affection, respect, community, commitment, and trust.
Join the challenge here on my Substack.
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