How Endometriosis Pain Unleashed My Inner Fighter

And what I learned about protecting inner peace

Saturday morning 4 AM — I wake up on the cold bathroom floor, drenched in sweat.

I must’ve passed out. Oh, thank God!

As I’m trying to get up, I feel a sharp pain in my abdomen.

No! Not again.

I stay on the floor.

With horror, I realize that I won’t be able to make it to work tonight, not in this condition. I’m lucky if I can make it to the kitchen counter to prepare a hot water bottle and get my hands on some painkillers.

But how could I explain to my boss what happened last night? Who will believe me? Trying not to panic, I send a text to my supervisor. The reply: „Ok!“ makes me feel instant guilt.

Somehow, I have to get myself checked for a sick certificate, but it’s Saturday, so no doctor's office is open. I‘m not sure if I can drive, but I definitely can’t call an ambulance for this.

Walking into the emergency room, still bending over from pain, I remember why:

The loneliness.

When I check in for abdominal pain, the nurse looks at me and asks: “Are you on your period?”

I reply: “Yes, I am, it’s my second day, but...”

She interrupts me: “Do you really think you need to be here for period pain? Did you see the waiting room? We‘re at full capacity today.”

“No, you don’t understand. This is not just period pain. Please get me checked. I need to see a doctor.”

“Fine,” she replies. “But you’ll have to wait.”

As she checks my temperature, she notices a fever. And I can’t help but feel relieved, not about the fever — about the fact that I have proof, something is wrong. This is not just period pain!

As I sit in the waiting room, I get a call from my supervisor. I step out to pick up the phone.

“Hi, I‘m glad you’re calling, I don’t know what’s happening, but I..”

She interrupts me, shouting: “Are you serious? Sick two days in a row? Now I have to cancel my weekend plans to cover for you. Do you even realize that? If you want a weekend off, this is terrible timing!”

My heart sinks. Fighting back tears, I say, “I’m sorry. I know I seemed fine at the store, but I’m at the ER now. I need help. This isn’t on purpose, I promise.”

Her voice softens a little: “Get yourself checked, we‘ll talk about this.”

Walking back to the emergency room, I get frightened. What if the doctors don’t find anything? What if they send me back to work?

I can’t help but start to wonder myself. Is it really that bad? Am I making it up? Was there really no way I could’ve forced myself to make it through the shift?

But then I remember waking up in the middle of the night with a cramp so tight I couldn’t breathe or move. A cramp that felt like my inner organs were being ripped in a slow, torturous movement.

I remember crawling down the staircase to find painkillers and prepare a hot water bottle. I remember lying down on the floor, sobbing in pain. My period had been increasingly difficult for a while now, but this time it was different – this time it felt like I might not make it.

The next hours in the waiting room felt like waiting for a trial, as I kept wondering: “How will I get a doctor to listen to me?“

My blood results returned and showed increased inflammation markers. I’m not making it up! Something is terribly wrong here. The doctors are now convinced that it must be my appendix. After almost getting scheduled for surgery, I finally get a doctor to take an ultrasound of my ovaries, and see his eyes open wide:

“Hold on, I will get a gynecologist; this looks like endometriosis.”

The pain.

Four years ago, this experience changed my outlook on life, work, and womanhood in our modern society.

Have you ever wondered how much pain your body can take before it shuts down? And what happens in a state of unbearable pain?

Most humans luckily never reach that point in their lives. Women who face endometriosis go there regularly — once a month — like clockwork. And every time we do, it feels like entering the arena of the gladiators, not knowing if and how we’ll make it out alive.

For context: Endometriosis is a condition causing painful lesions and inflammation during menstruation. The pain that is experienced predominantly during the time of menstruation can be debilitating and even torturous. It is absolutely brutal.

Five minutes of scrolling through any Reddit or Facebook group on endometriosis will reveal a heartbreaking amount of women going through unimaginable pain because endometriosis is a condition that turns the human body into a walking battlefield.

Those of us who are lucky enough to be taken seriously by the right doctor get the unsettling prognosis of a lifetime of pain because, to this day, there is no known cause or cure for endometriosis. And this is precisely why it takes a warrior spirit to survive.

The hopelessness.

The greatest horror of living with endometriosis is that, when no one is there to witness the battle, we have to face a world that expect us to function normally. Since it’s just period pain. Right?

Except that it isn’t! Endometriosis, in my own experience, is a serious handicap, because it takes so much energy to survive the agonizing pain crisis, that the body is constantly exhausted, and we are left unable to keep up with everyday responsibilities.

The eternal dilemma we face, ignoring the need for our bodies or risk losing our livelihoods, is precisely what makes endometriosis such an ongoing battle for survival.

Unfortunately, the level of fatigue that comes with this fait is unimaginable for someone with a healthy body, and so there is little to no understanding from both doctors and employers, but often also from friends and family.

I have read so many stories of people who lost their jobs due to time off and sick days. Relationships and friendships crumbled because people couldn’t understand the kind of rest that is required on a consistent basis.

I was very pleased to hear that Spain was the first European country to declare period rest a human right and guaranteed by law! And as a woman who struggled for years to find jobs that aligned with my menstrual needs for rest and recovery, instead of making me feel ashamed and weak. Yet one year after the law was passed, we find that it hasn’t changed much about the situation.

As Irene Aterido, founder of EndoMadrid, tells the Guardian:

“Every time a woman with endometriosis takes sick leave, she risks losing her job. That’s the reality,” she said. “It’s enormously naive to think that in the Spanish job market a woman with endometriosis is going to open up about her condition.”

Our battle cry — a cry for peace.

Besides the access to reliable healthcare and treatment options, I think what is most needed for those affected by endometriosis is compassion, understanding, and the ability to rest when our bodies need it most.

I suppressed my symptoms for years, trying to function as so many of us do! Until my body was so exhausted that I became bed-bound for multiple months in a row and was told only surgery could help me.

From personal experience and battle with both this condition and the medical system, I am convinced that a lot of my pain could’ve been prevented by an extended break.

Having battled this condition and all the challenges that come with it, there is one thing I keep realizing about myself. What I crave most of all in my life right now is peace.

Endometriosis is an inflammatory condition, and stress is a known fuel for inflammatory processes in our bodies. For me, that means the less stress I have to deal with, the more peaceful my menstruation will be. Sleep, fasting, and meditation made the biggest difference in my life. And I don’t mean a few hours. I mean retreat time.

Many cultures throughout history knew that menstruating women needed to rest. We have a right to menstruate in peace and according to natural law. By retreating into self-care and rest without fearing we’ll lose our job!!

This should be understood and supported by doctors and employers.

Returning from war — the long path of healing.

It took me years to get the chance to allow my body to heal when it was menstruating. Eventually, I had to build a whole new career around being able to stay in bed. After diligent work, and thanks to a beautiful woman who hired me for a position that allowed me to work in bed whenever I needed to, I was finally able to recover from years of stress and anxiety.

And when I did, it felt like a wounded warrior returning from war. Recovering has been my focus ever since, and it’s a journey that’s still ongoing.

Nowadays, I am convinced that menstrual rest is a human right, and I call out to execute it with no excuse! If you feel fit and want to climb a mountain, feel free. But if you don’t, there shouldn’t be a need to pretend and function as energetically as usual, and no one should expect that from a menstruating woman — especially not for survival reasons.

This only sets our system straight into emergency mode, leaving no energy to menstruate properly.

Our bodies are the authority to decide what we need. Not our doctors and not our employers! We don’t need to suffer in silence. Our pain is valid. Let’s listen to it. Let’s rest when we need to, and not wait for permission to give our bodies what they deserve!

Thank you for reading my story 🧡